Well world, it's been a while since I've posted anything here. Looks like it is still a good place to share the ways I communicate with my teen. She recently posted her first blog. I wanted to share:
I don't normally do this. Y’know, blog. I talk enough as it is, as I am consistently reminded and also consistently reminded that I can’t keep my opinions to myself. (Actually, I can.) But I want to talk about my latest photoshoot, that still isn’t done. Internal Conflicts, is what it’s called.
I want to start with the fact that I have bad anxiety, and I’ve been in “survival mode” with my emotions since 7th grade. What that means is: I don’t deal with my emotions, I put them away because I have to handle other people’s first. Everyone else comes first, and when everything’s calmed down I have all these emotions that I don’t know how to deal with. Then, I “disassociate” because the feelings scare me, and I don’t like how they feel. Disassociating basically is like floating above yourself, watching everything going on, but not really being there. Then, that would scare me and I didn’t know how to come back down. So, I cut my hips. There’s a drug released when you do this, and it’s like taking anxiety medicine, or pain killers. It calms you down. It’s also just as addictive. And not safe. I don’t do this anymore, due to a few promises made that I wouldn’t, and because I went to a therapist who helped me figure a lot of things out. (It’s easier not to do things if you know why you do them.)
However, during that time, I felt several different things at once. I felt like I had no control over myself, and I felt scared. I was angry with myself, because I couldn’t stop. But then, part of me didn’t care at all, didn’t care if I was hurt or if other people were hurt- that part of me honestly couldn’t give a crap about anything. And these pieces of me conflicted, obviously. I never wanted to deal with them, and I wanted them to just go away.
Being happier now, and having all the support I need, I realize I talk about all this better. And even better, I can portray them in pictures. It makes more sense to me, if I see it. Things were confusing then.
Anyway, I wanted to explain these pictures before people went and put their own theories on it. They actually mean something to me. Okay, bye.
If you want to know more about disassociation or could use a little help in the right direction, please contact someone. Life is too short to go through it being miserable.
