16 and Pregnant

No, my teen is not 16, nor is she pregnant. You can all let out that sigh of relief now. However, there is a reality show, A REE AL IT YYY SHOW!!!, called 16 and pregnant. My teen made this wonderful comment about it, "Get pregnant as a teenager and we'll make you a star. That's real smart." She has a point. The dangers of having sex are so much greater than just getting pregnant. Teaching a teen, or someone younger these days, the importance of safe sex is not just about avoiding pregnancy. In my opinion, and this is just the world according to Dana, why not have a reality show called "16 with gonorrhea" or "16 with multiple sex partners". It will never happen, but you get my point.

The conversation continued with a statement from my teen of "You would kill me if I got pregnant." I was sort surprised by this. So, I asked her, "When your brother came to us last year asking for help with his addiction, how did I react?" She said, correctly, "You helped him." I asked her why she thought we would treat her any differently. She said, "because he was an adult, and I'm not." Wow! My mind struggled with this for just a split second. I told her it had nothing to do with age. I said, "Pregnancy is hard. Teenage pregnancy is even harder. Why would I want to make an already hard situation more difficult?" She asked, "But you would be angry wouldn't you?" I said, "I wasn't mad at your brother. I didn't yell or scream. Yes, there were times I felt angry, but my job is to help my children, not hurt them. Not all parents get this. Could you imagine how difficult it would be to go through this [current transition in our lives] if I had yelled at you every day of your life? Or what if I didn't show you love and compassion everyday? How would you feel about what's about to happen?" In her perfect attitude, she replied, "Oh, I wouldn't just be sad, I'd be pissed!"

Her response only further confirms my theory about parenting. Angry kids are the product of angry parents. School mornings around our house are pretty quiet and fairly calm. Always has been; always will be. School days are hard enough for kids, why would I want to make it any more difficult? I will be late for work if it means my child has the book she needs for school or the things she needs for the party that she forgot to tell me about. Does it happen often? No, maybe once or twice a year. Why? Because all of her life, we talk about school the night before. When she was younger, she had her clothes out - shoes, belt, and socks included - so we weren't on a hunt the next morning. Her backpack was ready to go before she went to bed. You see, that's what parenting is. It's not yelling at your kids when they make a mistake. It's teaching them and showing them and behaving yourself in such a way that they learn how NOT to make mistakes.

Now, I do believe that behavior does exist in some gene of our DNA. I know that there are some folks out there that never get anywhere on time or always manage to forget at least something every day. But, these people have other strong behavioral traits they can, and should, pass on to their kids.

My teen is older now. We don't talk much about what she needs the next day for school. That was a little harder a few years ago, somewhere around middle school. And we had several days of tears and frustration as she learned to be independent in this way. Now when I ask her the night before if she has her homework or if she did her laundry, her response is "Mom, I don't need your help. I have this." That's my girl!