Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Today has been an odd conversation day. It's been full of answers that don't quite match the questions. Don't get me wrong, the verbalized answers match the questions; it's the non-verbal responses that just don't jive.

Here's the scenario:
She spent the night with a friend; got in around five in the afternoon looking like a limp dish rag. When asked how it went, the responses included "we spent the day at the barn, and I can feel the freckles coming out already." They had plans to see Avatar at the IMAX, but turns out they were sold out. So, she saw The Lovely Bones instead. I suppose this movie would not be appropriate for all 14 year olds, but mine has a passion for the horror flicks. I asked if it was disturbing, and she said, "Not really. I've seen more disturbing. I just don't trust old men anymore." Huh? Followed by a double-take. "Not all old men, just creepy ones." Changing the topic suddenly, "I'm really tired," a sigh, and a slump of the shoulders. "Can I call him?" referring to new boyfriend. "I told him I would." As if her commitment prior to asking permission somehow makes me obligated to say yes. I said yes.

The rest of the evening is an obligation to a surprise birthday party for a friend of hers turning 16. I asked if she has a gift, and I get this: "Isn't my presence enough? It should be." Not in the "I'm a stuck-up" kind of way, but in a "we're good friends and isn't that enough?" kind of way.

So now, there is not enough time for us to get a gift and make the party. I go to her room, knock on the door, and she's cuddled under the comforter, still on the phone. Whining about being tired. "I want to go," she says, "I just don't want to get her a gift." Hmmmmm. Is this because she has procrastinated or she doesn't want to spend her money on someone? I don't have a clue.

I shut the door and hear a loud clash. I go back and she's giggling about knocking everything off her dresser when she threw her teddy bear at it after I closed the door. There's no sign of anger or impatience in her words, but it's that non-verbal throwing of the stuffed animal that makes me wonder what is really going on. Is this coincidental timing? Throwing the teddy bear at the dresser right after I leave the room? I may never know.

I'm wondering if we will make it to this party. I am not the kind of parent to push her into going, just the kind of parent that helps her see the outcome of her decisions before she makes them. Her decisions, her actions, speak louder than her words. Hopefully, I can help her to see that before she turns, oh, say 35!